Hello everyone!
I stumbled upon Valentina Paevskaya through a TV host I love to hate, and I immediately subscribed to her YouTube channel, which boasts an impressive 235 thousand subscribers, and Instagram, where she has over 600K followers.
This summer, I also downloaded Paevskaya's app. If you're not familiar with the author, I'll provide her bio below.
Valentina Paevskaya is a neuropsychologist, perinatal, and clinical psychologist living in Moscow.
She was born on December 22, 1983.
Valentina Paevskaya graduated from the Institute of Humanitarian Education and Information Technologies, where she received a degree in psychology-consultant in 2010. She then obtained numerous certificates and diplomas in neuropsychology.
She has two sons, Alexander and Ivan.
I'm a big fan of Valentina's YouTube videos and social media stories, and recently came across her book Am I a Bad Mom? How to Raise a Child Without Having Time in e-book format. I decided to download it because I'm a new mom, and this book is more relevant to me than ever. The book ratings are 4.8 and above, so let's take a closer look.
Book Information:
Title: Am I a Bad Mom? How to Raise a Child Without Having Time
Author: Valentina Paevskaya.
Publisher: Phoenix.
Country: Russia.
Number of Pages: 141 pages.
Year of Release: 2018.
I've been trying to find this book everywhere, but it's nowhere to be found. I did see some sellers on Avito, but they were overcharging. So, I have no idea what the price is.
I downloaded it from the first link I found online. You can also find it on marketplaces.
The book has black and white illustrations and a clear font.
The book is well-structured, with chapters and subheadings breaking up the text.
AGE RESTRICTIONS:
I was surprised to see a 12+ age restriction on the book. I think that's a bit too young for some of the topics discussed. Why would a 12- or 13-year-old need to read about how to raise a child when they don't have kids of their own? There are also questions about sex, like how to satisfy your partner and yourself. That's not something a 12-year-old needs to know.
I think the book should be rated 16+ because nowadays, 16-year-old girls are already familiar with sex and some of them become mothers at a very young age. But definitely not suitable for 12-year-olds.
MY OPINION:
The book is written in a very easy-to-understand language. I like how the author presents complex information in a simple way.
The first 33 pages are all about not losing yourself, and they feature 8 stories from different moms, dads, and their kids, along with some quick tips on how to deal with their problems. I've noticed that a lot of moms feel burnt out on their first year of parenthood, and they just aren't feeling that happiness of motherhood anymore.
They also give you 6 super helpful tips on how to stay sane, and I really resonated with the one about putting your phone away before bed. I usually read books or chat with friends on my phone before sleep, but then I just can't fall asleep if I'm still scrolling through it. Sometimes I'll even stick my phone in another room and sleep better because of it.
They also talk about the feeling of guilt that society puts on us. Those nagging thoughts about whether I'm a good enough mom or not just won't leave me alone!
And let's not forget about sleep - it's the foundation of everything. A well-rested mom = a happy mom and kid.
I love how the stories are highlighted with the kids' experiences, each with a different challenge - some with bedwetting, others with ZRR. It's clear that Valentina's approach goes beyond just helping the kids, but also requires parents to work on themselves, which is a tough but essential part of the process.
What I appreciate about Valentina's approach is that she shares specific homework assignments she gives her clients, and the results are always positive. However, I wish she went into more detail about these tasks, as they seem to be quite brief.
For example, she often assigns tasks like keeping a daily log of every single activity, which seems unrealistic for someone working 8 or 11 hours a day. Do they need to log every single minute, or just the time spent with the child? It's a bit unclear, but Valentina seems to view this as a way to diagnose the child and the family's dynamics.
The next chapter is called Not Losing Sight of the Child.
The main idea is that from an early age, children should be encouraged to engage in physical activity, even if it's just simple exercises like gymnastics or massages. And if you can't afford expensive toys and equipment, consider enrolling your child in a sports program. It's a great way to get them moving and developing essential skills.
As a parent, I've seen so many moms spend a small fortune on brain development and logic classes, but forget about sports. Sports are the foundation of a well-rounded kid, and they're amazing at handling stress and pressure. If you want your little ones to be prepared, get them into sports – many schools even offer free sections!
I've learned that it's essential to limit screen time for kids – no TV or cartoons before the age of three, and then adjust the time as they get older. Ideally, ditch the TV altogether.
Valentina reminded me that it's crucial to prioritize our own time – if we don't make time for ourselves, we're just expecting someone else to do it for us. It's not worth it.
I've been trying to get my kid outside for at least 4 hours a day, split into two sessions - morning and evening. Yeah, it's not always easy, especially when you've got a 9-to-5 job, but we've managed to make it work. My husband and I take turns, so one of us gets to spend 2 hours outside while the other takes care of the little one. It's not always ideal, but we make it happen.
Sleep is crucial for both my kid and me. The article also talks about the bedtime routine and how to implement it.I've been trying to establish a bedtime routine since my kid was born, and this book just reinforces what I've learned from other parenting books. Our routine involves a bath at 7:30 PM, followed by dressing, feeding, and then we put on some white noise, turn off the lights, and get into bed (we co-sleep). I feed my kid, and she falls asleep, then I transfer her to her crib. Sometimes, she stays in bed with me.
Next up is the intellectual sphere.
The article talks about the importance of limiting screen time and reading real books. I think a lot of parents know this, but it's easy to get caught up in the convenience of screens and forget about the benefits of interactive play. It's a common problem, especially among 'lazy moms' who'd rather hand their kid a tablet than engage with them.
I have to say, the stories from moms really resonated with me. There's a story about Ksenia and her son Vanya, but I'm still not entirely sure what the author was trying to convey with that one. I felt like I was missing some crucial information from Valentina about what she did with her client, and what the client needed to do. It all felt a bit dry and underdeveloped.
On the other hand, the book does provide a detailed explanation of how to develop your child's intellectual abilities at different ages.
The next section is all about the emotionally-willed sphere, and let me tell you, it's something you can't just buy at any store. I was surprised to learn that my daughter started taking off her socks at around 5 months old, and I didn't intervene - it turned out to be a sign of her emotionally-willed sphere!In this chapter, there are two stories about kids with developmental delays and high anxiety. The author talks about how the moms fell in love with their kids, and how everything eventually worked out, but the correction process with a neuro psychologist took two whole years. It's a bit frustrating, to be honest, that the book glosses over the specifics of what they did during that time.
What I do appreciate, though, is that the book involves dads in the process of child development. There's even a separate chapter for dads.
What I love about this book is that it's not just a story, but Valentina's mom shares practical tips on how to engage your child in various games and activities. She also reminds you to take some time for yourself, whether it's a day or just a few hours, to recharge. It's not pushy, but rather encouraging and supportive!
The next chapter is all about Practice.
This chapter provides daily tasks that you need to complete, with the first task being due on the first day and again a month later - both for mom and dad. I managed to complete 17 out of 30 skills with my 8-month-old, and it's definitely relevant from 6-8 months. I just didn't get to all 30!The skills table starts from 1 year, but it's a bit too early for us to use it yet. However, it's a great resource with a list of games and activities for different age groups - the only one missing from our list is the one for 1-year-olds.
The next chapter is all about Real Stories from Moms. There are 8 real-life stories from moms, and for me, the eighth story was the most helpful. It's a detailed account of what the mom did, and it was really insightful.
I have to say, the book is really good. It's definitely worth a read for any mom, whether you're a first-time parent or have a few kids under your belt. As a mom of one, I enjoyed reading it, but I felt like some things were left unsaid. There were a few moments where I felt like I was being subtly sold on Valentina Paevaskaia's seminars, but I appreciated that she didn't give away the names of her seminars, leaving it up to the reader to choose which one to go for. I also liked that the reviews and stories were real, not just some idealized version of what happens after attending her seminars. For example, there were stories about kids who still had some issues after the seminars, but their parents had made progress in communication. Or, there were stories about kids who had developmental delays, but after the seminar or consultation, they showed some improvement.
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TAKEAWAY:
Even just from one read, it's clear that there's a lot of useful stuff to be learned from this book. I picked up some new insights, and some things just felt like they were reinforcing what I already knew or had learned from other sources. It's like watching Valentina's YouTube videos, but reading the book helped me refresh my memory.
I read it in one day, but I keep coming back to the tasks as my little one grows up. I haven't deleted this book from my phone, actually - I keep it as a reference for when I need to buy new toys and figure out which ones are suitable for her age. With a daily schedule and play ideas, this book will stay relevant for years to come. If you're a mom-to-be or a seasoned parent looking for some guidance, this book is a great resource. It won't solve all your problems, but it'll definitely give you a good starting point.
I like that the book is concise - not too much fluff, if you know what I mean. There's some useful information, and then some general advice that's easy to follow. The book is a quick and easy read, so you won't regret spending the time.
I'd give this book a solid four stars and recommend it to every mom out there! However, I wouldn't pay for it - if it's free, why not?