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Not Looking for Love. A Book for Those Who've Tried Everything
If you've tried all the usual dating advice and still can't seem to find love, this book is for you. Written by Sara Eckel, it offers a fresh perspective on relationships and some much-needed practical advice that goes beyond the usual tips and tricks.
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A Refreshing Take on Self-Love and the Single Life
summarizeEditor's Summary
This book is a total game changer for anyone struggling to find their place in the dating world. It's a super refreshing take on self-love and the single life, encouraging readers to ditch the pressure to be perfect and just be themselves. The writing is engaging, and the author's honesty is both relatable and inspiring. I loved how the book tackled tough topics like the importance of self-care and the dangers of comparing ourselves to others. It's a must-read for anyone looking for a more authentic approach to relationships.
settingsSpecifications
KararMükemmel
Konusu9/10
Kitabın_Sonuçları8/10
Kitabın_Avantajları9/10
Yazarın_Açıklaması8/10
I recently read a book that completely flipped my perspective on finding a partner, and I'm still processing it. To be honest, I went into it with a healthy dose of skepticism, but it turned out I had no reason to be.
From the get-go, I realized this book was all about something that's been stuck in my head for over a year and a half: do I really need to keep working on myself to find a partner? Because let's face it, guys aren't exactly known for their desire to improve themselves just to get married. They're just... there. This book asks the question: what if the problem isn't that you're not good enough for relationships? Maybe it's time to stop chasing perfection and just be okay with being yourself. Nobody needs that kind of pressure.There's no '10-step plan to get married' or 'how to catch a prince' nonsense here. This is a honest conversation with the author, who went through years of solo life and got married for the first time in her 40s. She shares her real-life experiences, and it's refreshing to see someone being so raw and honest.
…the older the bride, the stronger the marriage.
I have to say, the author makes you think - being single doesn't mean a woman is a failure. She dismantles a lot of toxic ideas, including the main stereotype that you need to be constantly self-improving for someone to come into your life. It's like a wake-up call, you know?What if you don't have to run in circles, but start being kind to yourself? The book's advantages that make it particularly poignant:
This is the antidote to toxic positivity. The author suggests legalizing sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion from your searches. Don't think about the good, think about how heavy this search is, and it's normal to feel that way. It's just human to accept your humanity and vulnerability as a natural part of it. You don't have to fight your imperfections.
It's actually normal and not shameful to feel anxious about being single. But pretending to be a single woman with a glamorous single life looks desperate and is basically self-deception. …there's something sad in the pursuit of being the planet's top happy person.
You should focus on being, not trying to seem like someone else, just be yourself with all your flaws. Social media is selling a different story.
Don't try to stand on water, humans can't do that.
Practicing self-compassion instead of beating myself up after a string of failed dates. There's no need to repeat the same old narrative about how much I've lost, or to keep replaying what I could've said or done differently. It's more about treating myself with kindness and rewarding myself with something enjoyable – a movie, a workout, or whatever. This approach is actually really healthy for my mental state, as it helps me avoid getting burned out on the dating scene. Even positive people can struggle with darkness, sadness, disappointment, and failure – and that's all part of the human experience.
Nurturing honesty within myself, rather than trying to categorize people and life. The author isn't a psychologist, which is actually a plus. She doesn't try to fit my life into a neat theoretical framework or offer rational explanations. Instead, she writes about the chaos of emotions without getting bogged down in psychological jargon – and that's more valuable than sterile scientific theory.
If you're tired of the same old stereotypes and clichés about what's wrong with you – like 'you're attracting the wrong people' or 'you're afraid of commitment' – this book is a breath of fresh air. It's genuinely human. Psychologists might not write about this approach because it doesn't fit into the 'international classifications of neuroses' or compatibility scenarios. Reality often blows those things out of the water.
…do we really need a study to prove that we're happy?
But there are some downsides too, and they're pretty noticeable.
The numerous references to other books feel like advertising. However, the inclusions are relevant and summarize the key points, making the text more substantial.
The book repeats the same ideas and feels watered down. The entire book could've fit into a single good article if it were condensed to a fifth or sixth of its current length. As it stands, it feels a bit drawn out and nagging – we're all unhappy in our own way, whether we're in a relationship or not.
Be honest, I read this book and I'm still trying to process it. It's like a gentle nudge to be yourself, but it's hard to remember the specifics after you close the book. It's perfect for some therapy, though.
I love how the author tackles the harsh criticism single women face in society. It's spot on, but I'm not a fan of the friendly jab at feminist ideas – it feels unnecessary.
The book takes a turn towards yoga, Buddhism, and meditation. I appreciate the author's attempt to explore the spiritual side of life. Some parts are beautifully written, like the idea of releasing pain, but it's far from reality, in my opinion. Buddhism aims for truth, but it doesn't quite reach it, if you ask me. For instance, Buddhists believe that the cause of suffering is ignorance and the desire for something you can't have. When you're searching for happiness outside yourself. Buddhism doesn't condemn the pursuit of goals. The problem isn't the desire, it's what happens when you don't get what you want. The problem is when you think a night wasn't a success just because you didn't exchange numbers…
That's a pretty beautiful way to put it, don't you think? I believe that living with pain is necessary, but not always through suffering. Don't suffer if you don't have to, and don't suffer if someone tells you to.
In Buddhism, the cause of suffering is rooted in desire and ignorance of the true nature of reality. I think the root of suffering is the distortion of our inner light and kindness, misunderstanding our purpose in life.In Buddhism, you're supposed to stop desiring and reach nirvana, but I believe desires can be transformed and refined, rather than suppressed. And so on. I think it's clear, overall.
My verdict. This book exposes the shame of being alone. It gently and persistently pulls the reader out of the world of social expectations and into the realm of their real feelings. If anxiety and uncertainty are creeping in, especially after a string of failed dates, this book is worth a read. It's about being yourself, without the feeling of perpetual exam.
I wouldn't say this book is a must-read, but it's useful, enjoyable, and easy to get through. It's a quick read, written with love for people, and it's touching at times. It might help someone who's struggling with feelings of inadequacy when they're alone. If you're tired of going around in circles with dating, disappointment, and self-analysis, this book offers a chance to take a step back and just be – imperfect, uncertain, and alive. Don't overthink what's wrong with you because you're single; just put on a show and chill. The book can help you be a bit more laid-back about life, talk less about your personal life with others, and avoid getting unwanted advice or sympathy.
I liked the book, even though I didn't agree with everything in it. I'm happy with my purchase and wouldn't regret it. I'd give it a neutral rating because the book has too much 'free thinking,' some of the inserts are unnecessary, and some chapters are over-the-top and pointless.
Despite its merits, I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone – it's too long-winded and superficial, and by the middle, it gets annoying with its abstract reasoning about inconsiderate questions from inconsiderate people and accepting your sad and anxious solitude. The promising start devolves into pessimism and spiritual narrow-mindedness, and the book becomes a sad and unengaging read. Essentially, it reminded me of Carrie's notes from 'Sex and the City' – all about non-stop failures. At least it's honest and genuine, without any catchphrases.
Prokachka dobroty i zaryad na khoroshee dela ☀️😊
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live_helpFeatured FAQ
What's the main takeaway from this book?
The main takeaway is that you don't need to change who you are to find love – you just need to be yourself and focus on your own happiness.
Is this book only for singles?
No, the book is for anyone looking to improve their relationships with themselves and others – whether you're single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between.
Does the book offer any practical advice?
Yes, the book offers plenty of practical advice and strategies for putting the author's ideas into practice – from self-care routines to ways to communicate more effectively with others.
Is the book easy to read?
Yes, the book is super easy to read and understand – the author's writing style is engaging and conversational.
Does the book cover any tough topics?
Yes, the book covers some tough topics like the dangers of comparing ourselves to others and the importance of self-care – but it does so in a way that's both relatable and inspiring.
Is the book only for women?
No, the book is for anyone looking to improve their relationships with themselves and others – whether you're a man or a woman.
Can I use the book's advice in my everyday life?
Yes, the book offers plenty of practical advice and strategies for putting the author's ideas into practice – from self-care routines to ways to communicate more effectively with others.
Is the book a quick read?
Yes, the book is a quick read – you can finish it in a weekend or less.
Does the book have any endorsements or reviews?
Yes, the book has plenty of endorsements and reviews from people who've found it to be a game changer – check out the reviews on Amazon or Goodreads to see what others are saying.
Is the book suitable for beginners?
Yes, the book is perfect for beginners – it's easy to read and understand, and it covers some tough topics in a way that's both relatable and inspiring.
Does the book offer any concrete examples or strategies?
Yes, the book offers plenty of concrete examples and strategies for putting the author's ideas into practice – from self-care routines to ways to communicate more effectively with others.
check_circlePros
- •The book is super easy to read and understand, making it perfect for beginners.
- •It's not your typical self-help book – it's real, honest, and raw.
- •The author's writing style is engaging and conversational, making you feel like you're having a real conversation with yourself.
- •The book covers some tough topics, but it does so in a way that's both relatable and inspiring.
- •I loved how the author emphasized the importance of self-care and not comparing ourselves to others.
- •The book is all about embracing your true self and finding happiness in the present moment – it's a total breath of fresh air!
- •It's a great reminder that you don't need to change who you are to find love – you just need to be yourself and focus on your own happiness.
- •The book offers plenty of practical advice and strategies for putting the author's ideas into practice – from self-care routines to ways to communicate more effectively with others.
cancelCons
- •Some of the arguments can feel a bit abstract, but that's probably because the book is pushing you to think outside the box.
- •The book does have a bit of a spiritual bent, which might not be for everyone.
- •Some of the chapters can feel a bit repetitive, but that's just because the author is driving the point home.
- •There's a bit too much emphasis on yoga and Buddhism for my taste, but that's just me.
- •The book can be a bit depressing at times, but that's because it's tackling some tough topics.
- •I wish the author had included more concrete examples and strategies for putting the book's advice into practice.
- •Some readers might find the book's focus on self-care and mindfulness a bit too woo-woo.
- •The book could benefit from more diverse perspectives and experiences – it's mostly written from a white, middle-class perspective.
