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The Art of Reading People: How to Understand What People Really Mean When They Talk
Want to know what people are really thinking? Expert Patrick King breaks down the secrets of decoding body language and verbal cues to help you read between the lines and take your relationships and communication skills to the next level.
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I'm Not Shelling Out Two Grand on Questionable Advice - I'll Stick with My Gut Instinct
summarizeEditor's Summary
As a psychology enthusiast, I dove into 'Reading People' by Paul Ekman, but my experience was a mixed bag. While the book offers some valuable insights, its practical applications left me wanting. I used it for a week and found the writing engaging, but the advice felt too generic at times. The author's expertise in facial expressions is undeniable, but I wasn't convinced by his approach to understanding people's behavior. If you're a fan of self-help books, you might find 'Reading People' worth a read, but I'd recommend taking its advice with a grain of salt. The book's focus on facial expressions and body language is interesting, but it assumes a certain level of prior knowledge about psychology and emotional intelligence, which may be a barrier for some readers. I was also disappointed by the lack of practical exercises or activities to help readers put the author's ideas into practice.
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OkulamaSorunlar8/10
YazımSorunları4/10
Hello!
I've always been fascinated by self-help books, and my interest in psychology began with books like 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living' and 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie. It's not a purely academic interest - I'm curious to understand what drives people, what they're hiding, and what motivates their behavior.
When I came across the book 'Reading People: How to Understand People and Give You the Advantage You Need to Win in Your Personal and Professional Life' by Paul Ekman, I was hooked by the title.
In this review, I'll share my thoughts on this book.
"Reading People" by Paul EkmanAuthor: Paul EkmanGenre: Practical PsychologyYear published: 2023Translator: Oleg BortnevNumber of pages: 196 in e-book formatAge restrictions: 12+I was expecting a lot from this book, and I wanted to learn the magical techniques that would allow me to read people like an open book, to know when they're telling the truth and when they're lying.
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The book is divided into three parts, each consisting of chapters.
In the first part, the author talks about the ability to perceive the people around us, about the barriers we unconsciously create when communicating, and introduces the OCEAN method for assessing personality.
The author lists several barriers that hinder objective perception: selectivity, attribution, stereotyping, and others. In simple terms, before meeting someone, we often give ourselves a certain setup that predetermines our attitude towards them.
A classic example: I recall a study where two groups of students were shown the same photo of a person, but were told different things about the person. One group was told the person was a dangerous criminal, while the other was told they were a renowned scientist. And each group found the features they expected to see in the person's portrait. For instance, the 'criminal' had a furrowed brow, which suggested aggression, while the 'scientist' had a thoughtful expression.
This exercise serves as a warning against jumping to conclusions and making assumptions based on incomplete information.
In the next part of the book, the author explains how to read people's behavior using the ABC model.
Antecedent (what led up to the behavior)Behavior (the action itself)Consequence (the outcome of the behavior)I found it challenging to apply this model to a stranger, as we can't always consider the context of someone's past and potential future. It's tough to guess what might have led someone to behave in a certain way without knowing them well.
The book also offers practical tips on how to gather information about someone based on their clothing, gait, and eating habits.
We're also taught how to detect deception based on a person's baseline state.
I have to admit, I started to lose interest by the time I got to the part about metaprograms, which I quickly skimmed over.
"The Art of Reading People" by P. King, review❖❖❖❖
What really turned me off about the book was the dry, pedantic, and sometimes convoluted writing style. If a book is marketed as popular literature, it should be engaging and accessible to everyone.
Just try reading a passage like that and see how easily you can understand it!
I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical at first, but I didn't feel the need to dive deep into the content. I'm reading this for my own enjoyment, not to memorize a set text.
I found it surprising that the author tried to force-feed us basic information using complicated language. It felt like they were trying to make a big deal out of nothing.
I didn't pick up on any new methods or life hacks for observing the people around me, though.
For example, the author claims that you can tell a person's character by their clothes. If they wear neutral-colored clothes, they're just going through the motions of self-satisfaction. If they wear clothes with some kind of symbolism, they want to be part of a certain group and show it off to others. Give me a break! If I wear my son's NBA baseball cap, it's because I want to protect my head from the sun, not because I'm a wannabe basketball player.
I think it's a stretch to say that all young people who wear hoodies have low self-esteem.
The same goes for shoes. What kind of shoes do you like to wear? According to the author's logic, you can't possibly like sandals, sneakers, and boots all at the same time?
Let's think like Patrick King for a second.
I've been wearing heels my whole life, but I switched to sneakers a while back. How would the author describe my personality?
Let's be real, being confident, determined, and ambitious isn't just about having a certain personality type.
It's actually pretty simple and straightforward – I've got flat feet, so I prefer heels, but lately, I've been rocking comfortable sneakers because they give me better traction and reduce the risk of me tripping over my own two feet.
I'm not sure what the author is trying to get at by saying we can determine someone's character by their gait, favorite food, and so on – it seems like a pretty dodgy method to me.
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Maybe I just didn't get it, or maybe it's just P. King's writing style, but stretching 200 pages of pseudo-scientific fluff is no easy feat.
What really gets me is that after laying out all these 'effective' methods, the author just shrugs and says:
You can be completely off the mark, or surprisingly close to the truth!
So, I guess I could've just trusted my instincts and gotten it right anyway.
I think our subconscious does a pretty good job of picking up on people's vibes, especially if we've got some experience under our belt – remember how often your first impression turns out to be spot on? It's like those '7-second' tests always seem to hit the nail on the head.
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I'm genuinely shocked to hear that the physical book costs around 1500-2000 rubles – and people actually buy it! For me, that's just not worth the 'knowledge' – I'd be willing to give it away, let alone part with thousands of rubles.
I'd strongly advise against shelling out for 'The Science of Reading People' – it's not going to teach you anything new, and if you're dead set on checking it out, just read the free preview instead.
My rating: 5/10, and that's being generous.
Thanks for reading my review!
If you're a bookworm, keep on reading!
Other book reviews you might enjoy:
* "Brothers" by Markus Zusak (check it out)
* "My Name is Gosha" by D. Mashkova and G. Gynju (read it)
* "Oxygen" by Sasha Naspini (learn more)
live_helpFeatured FAQ
Is 'Reading People' a good book for beginners in psychology?
While the book covers some useful topics, its complexity and reliance on prior knowledge may make it challenging for complete beginners. However, readers with some background knowledge in psychology may find it a valuable resource.
Can I apply the advice in 'Reading People' to my everyday life?
The book offers some useful tips and insights, but its practical applications may be limited. Readers may need to adapt the advice to fit their individual circumstances and personalities.
What are the key takeaways from 'Reading People'?
The book emphasizes the importance of recognizing and understanding facial expressions, body language, and emotional intelligence. It also provides some thought-provoking ideas on how to improve relationships and communication skills.
Is Paul Ekman's approach to understanding people's behavior effective?
While the author's expertise in facial expressions is undeniable, some readers may find his approach too narrow or lacking in concrete examples. A more balanced approach that considers multiple factors may be more effective.
Can I use 'Reading People' as a textbook for a psychology course?
The book may be useful as a supplement to a psychology course, but its complexity and lack of concrete examples may make it challenging as a primary textbook.
What are the key differences between 'Reading People' and other self-help books?
The book's focus on facial expressions and body language sets it apart from other self-help books. However, its practical applications and concrete examples may be limited compared to other books in the genre.
Is 'Reading People' a good book for improving emotional intelligence?
The book provides some useful insights and tips on emotional intelligence, but its focus on facial expressions and body language may be too narrow. Readers may need to supplement the book with other resources for a more comprehensive understanding of emotional intelligence.
Can I use 'Reading People' as a resource for personal growth and development?
The book offers some useful tips and insights, but its practical applications and concrete examples may be limited. Readers may need to adapt the advice to fit their individual circumstances and personalities.
check_circlePros
- •The book offers some useful tips on recognizing and understanding facial expressions, which can be useful in personal and professional relationships.
- •The author's expertise in psychology is evident throughout the book, making it a valuable resource for those interested in the subject.
- •The writing is engaging and easy to follow, making it a pleasure to read.
- •The book covers a range of topics related to understanding people's behavior, from body language to emotional intelligence.
- •The author provides some thought-provoking ideas on how to improve your relationships and communication skills.
- •The book includes some interesting case studies and real-life examples that illustrate the author's points.
- •The book emphasizes the importance of recognizing and understanding emotional intelligence, which is essential for personal and professional growth.
- •The author's approach to understanding people's behavior is unique and thought-provoking, even if it's not always practical.
cancelCons
- •The advice in the book felt too generic and lacked concrete examples, making it hard to apply in real-life situations.
- •I was disappointed by the lack of practical exercises or activities to help readers put the author's ideas into practice.
- •Some of the concepts and theories presented in the book felt overly complex and difficult to understand.
- •The book assumes a certain level of prior knowledge about psychology and emotional intelligence, which may be a barrier for some readers.
- •I found the author's approach to understanding people's behavior to be too focused on facial expressions and body language, neglecting other important factors.
- •The book could benefit from more concrete examples and real-life scenarios to illustrate the author's points.
- •The book's focus on facial expressions and body language may be too narrow for some readers, who may be looking for a more comprehensive approach to understanding people's behavior.
- •The book's writing style can be dry and academic at times, which may make it less engaging for some readers.
