How Alfa Bank Turned from Hero to Zero

Let's face it, we've all been there - on the phone with a scammer, trying to part us from our hard-earned cash, clothes, and even our motorbikes. The ones with a strong Ukrainian accent, the 'g' sound that's more of a growl, and the sound of operators working overtime in the background are a dead giveaway.

So, we all know the drill - hang up, don't give out any codes, don't wear white, and for goodness' sake, don't dance!

But what about when the scammers are the ones working for the bank? When the bank itself is the one ripping you off, and they're telling you it's all for your own good? That's a whole different story.

From love to hate

I've been a client of Alfa Bank for a while now. In fact, I was even a premium client for a time, as I wrote about in a glowing review. But things have changed a lot since then. What was once a modern, user-friendly bank that I admired has turned into a scammer's paradise.

Now, every time I interact with them, I'm treated to a chorus of operators singing:

Let's get down to business, my dear Murka,
We're not going to the restaurant, we're going to the bank.
We're charging you for services you didn't ask for,
And we're making a killing!

First unauthorized deductions

It was December 2024 when I discovered that Alfa Bank had been deducting a commission from me for two services - Alfa Check and Credit Card Insurance - for months. The thing is, I never even signed up for these services. I immediately contacted their chat support, demanding that they refund my money and cancel the services.

For a brief moment, they tried to convince me that I was wrong and that I really needed these services. But they eventually relented and returned my money. They also assured me that the services had been cancelled.

You don't have any paid servicesIt was all sorted out quickly, and I thought I'd finally put the issue behind me. But little did I know, the operator on the other end was probably laughing all the way to the bank, knowing they'd gotten away with it.

Yes, we're stealing. But it's all for your own good!

Today, I stumbled upon a bunch of complaints online about unauthorized commission deductions from Alfa Bank. I decided to check my account history again, and what I found was nothing short of breathtaking. It's like they're trying to outdo each other in a game of 'who can scam the most'!

I'm getting charged commission for Alfa Check again. And to make matters worse, Alfa Smart is still sucking 400 rubles out of my account every month, even though I had already disabled it in the app. I disabled it out of habit and forgot about it. I didn't even think it could be a paid service, since I hadn't signed up for anything like that.

My story of unauthorized deductions is a long one.

Alfa-Check:
19.06 - 159 rubles
22.07 - 159 rubles
18.08 - 159 rubles
19.09 - 159 rubles

Alfa Smart:
15.07 - 399 rubles
15.08 - 399 rubles
15.09 - 399 rubles

I sent the bank a detailed report of the unauthorized deductions, asked them to refund the commission for the unwanted services, and requested that they disable them for good. The bank didn't waste any time on my request and responded within 30 minutes with a nicely worded letter, wrapped in Alfa's signature packaging and a middle finger.

RefusalNow things are getting interesting. The bank is citing the tariff conditions, which state that neither of these services is mandatory. I hadn't signed up for one, and I had even disabled the other through the chat when it was first activated.

I decide to escalate the issue to a live operator, and that's when things start to get weird. I'm not sure what to call it – a circus, a game of cat and mouse, or just plain casuistry?

The bank's operator responds with the following message, which I've screenshot below. If you don't feel like reading the fine print, let me summarize: we activated the service because we're worried about your money.

We're worried about your money, so we'll take itI choked on my words, wiped my eyes, dropped my jaw on the floor, picked it up, brushed off the cat hair, and went to read section 6.5.3, which the operator had referenced.

I won't even get into the details of how I had to navigate through a mountain of tiny text on my phone screen. You can see it for yourself in the screenshot. But after rubbing my eyes and squinting, I managed to study the mentioned section 6.5.3. And guess what? There's not a single word about Alfa Check being a mandatory service.

Section 6.5.3At this point, my poor eyes were blazing with fury. And you know why? Because I don't want to be angry!

My cat gave me a stern look, like 'I've got your back, human, and I'm out of here!' and promptly scurried out to the balcony, just in case my anger turned into a toxic spit.

I'd rip my hair out for you! I'm still trying to appeal to logic, reason, and facts. I'm reminding them that I asked to disable this service back in December, and it was even disabled. But then, out of nowhere, it just popped back up again. Logic clearly didn't get a good night's sleep, arguments were ignored, and facts were twisted beyond recognition. The operator confirms that the service was disabled in December, and then immediately references 6.5.3, which is apparently the reason it's been re-enabled. "My eyes are about to bug out of my head!", I'm shouting at the top of my lungs. The cat scurries under the couch for good measure, my husband remembers some super-urgent, life-or-death stuff and quietly slips out of the house. And the operator gives me a real treat: "I understand your emotions and surprise".

This isn't surprise, it's anger, frustration, and utter confusion. I don't get how someone can just spout such nonsense with a straight face?

Emotions and surprise - the operator's empathy You know why they're refusing to give me my money back this time? Because they already said no once. How logical is that? It was the same when I was a kid and asked my mom for a lollipop before dinner. First, she'd say no, and then on the second ask, she'd add, "You already said no, so no again."

When I was a kid, my mom was worried about my appetite. Now it's the bank, worried about my money. And when am I going to grow up?

No beer! Not a drop! Okay, pay attention. If you haven't been to the circus in a while, read a couple of jokes before checking out the next screenshot, or check out some funny memes on a channel. Just to prepare yourself. Because an unprepared stomach might not be able to handle this level of absurdity. The operator tells me that they disabled the Alpha-check service for me because I asked them to, and then re-enabled it because the bank is super worried about my money. They're up all night, not eating oysters, worrying about it.

And this service (here's the plot twist!) is super useful. It'll help me catch any unauthorized transactions and react right away. But here's the catch - the transaction fee for this service is an unauthorized transaction, and I'm reacting to it right now.

{"translated_text": " This isn\'t a joke, although it looks like one I\'m not going to bore you with more screenshots of our back-and-forth, but the whole thing boiled down to this: we\'re worried about you, and you don\'t seem to care or understand. Yeah, we\'re worried about you for your own money, but honestly, we need it more than you do. The \u00aepi\u00e8ce de r\u00e9sistance of our conversation left me speechless. \"Seriously??\" I exclaimed, my eyes wide open, that my cat scurried out from under the couch, and my husband cautiously poked his head out from behind the door. What could possibly surprise someone who\'s made it to 2025 and still doesn\'t take antidepressants, and who\'s even friends with their in-laws?

So, here\'s the thing. Attention, Alpha-Pho-Toz! I asked who and when connected me to two unnecessary services, and the operator told me that Alpha Check was connected automatically at the bank\'s discretion. I\'ll repeat that: automatically at the bank\'s discretion. No, you didn\'t mishear me, it really happened. A paid service was connected automatically at the bank\'s discretion.

Could it have been done differently? And how am I supposed to automatically disconnect my obligation to pay the bank\'s debt on my credit card for the sake of \"ensuring the safety of my money\"? There\'s no better way to do it.

Automatically! At the bank\'s discretion! After that message, my left eye started twitching. Then my right eye. Then both hands at the same time. Then my husband and cat both scurried under the couch and hid. They were shaking and trembling. I walked around the room, chanting a mantra: automatically at the bank\'s discretion, o-oh-oh, automatically at the bank\'s discretion, a-a-a, automatically at the bank\'s discretion! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! (The last one is sung to the tune of the Bremen Town Musicians). I guess I was pretty good at singing. Even our neighbors came back home, ducking their heads and remembering the phone number of our local cop. Just in case. Our neighbor was always friendly, loved cats, and would often take her elderly relatives across the street, but you never know, right?

Logic was sending us a message from Mars, our arguments were trampled in the corner and quietly whimpering. Torn and mangled facts tried to slink under the couch to join my cat and husband, hoping to escape at least partially unscathed. And I resorted to the last thing I had left: the holy of holies, the law of the Russian Federation. I didn\'t even copy and paste them manually, I just copied and sent the links to the operator:

1. The Consumer Protection Law: Article 16 of the Russian Federation\'s Law \"On Consumer Protection\" states that a seller (executor) is not entitled to perform additional work or services for a fee without the consumer\'s consent.

"}2. The Civil Code of Russia: According to the Civil Code, silence doesn't constitute acceptance of an offer. So, if you didn't disable the service that the bank connected 'by default' or 'on a free trial period', it's not considered your agreement to continue paying for it.

3. The Central Bank of Russia's stance: The Central Bank recommends that banks 'stop these practices when interacting with consumers and only charge for services that customers have explicitly and knowingly agreed to (which implies an expression of will to acquire such a service)'.

Alright, that's a win! I was so proud of myself and ran to grab some champagne. But the fridge had a gaping emptiness staring back at me. Even the mouse had made a break for it, taking the string with it. Luckily, there was still a bit of space under the couch. I decided the party could still be festive without the bubbly when I heard another annoying message from the bank chat. 'They won't get away with it!' I was convinced. But, you won't believe it, it was déjà vu all over again! And they're reminding me about that pesky DKB and the infamous point 6.5.3. They have nothing to do with the case, but do you remember what happened to those poor, hapless logic, arguments, and facts?

What do you do when nothing works, not even the law?

Smart - that's 'intelligent' in English

I don't know who came up with these schemes for commission scams and absurd operator templates, but I finally gave in. I realized I couldn't resolve the issue with the Alfa Check operator. But there was still the Alfa Smart, which, I have no idea where it came from. But I don't have a connection with the devil, and that's not part of my Megafon tariff. And again, I had to try to get through to the operator.

And again, we had a conversation between the blind and the mute, the full and the unclean, the soft and the round, the fool and the smart. I asked who connected the service and when, and asked them to refund the money. But they told me how great it was and that it had already been disabled.

That hurts!

Ouch! Even worse!My poor head! Why didn't you blow your top back when we were learning about relativity in physics class? And I was even giving you a chance to philosophize in university - Hegel's dialectics! The law of the negation of the negation. The law of the transition of quantitative changes into qualitative ones. The law of the unity and struggle of opposites! Why did you, poor head of mine, go through all that? Why do you remember it? And what does our conversation with the operator represent if not the negation of the negation and the struggle of opposites?!

Our court, the fairest court in the world?

I looked up some info on similar cases while chatting with the operator. I realized that you can't resolve the issue with logic and friendliness. The bank only understands tough methods. So, I took some screenshots of our conversation and told the operator, "We'll be taking it from here!" - meaning, I'll be working with the Central Bank and Rospotrebnadzor. My husband and cat have abandoned me, and one woman just can't seem to get it together.

The bank responded with something like, "Ah! We were so scared that we're asking you to remind us of our fear in two working days!"

A little token of our fear!See you soon!

I don't know what the bank will say to me in two working days, but I was fuming for two working hours. I need to calm down and get my act together. And I should probably drag my husband and cat out from under the couch.

By the way!

My husband, who's still a premium client of Alfa Bank, hasn't had anything "taken care of" since December 2024 to "ensure the safety of his money." It's always easier to steal from someone who's a bit more straightforward.

***

Victory! This review was published around midnight, and by the morning, the bank had returned all the unfairly deducted fees "on an individual basis." I guess they're trying to preserve what's left of their reputation.
I hope they've made a note in my file, something like, "This scandal-monger has money, so don't touch it without asking, or she'll just keep talking."