My Harrowing Experience with Episiotomy - What I Wish I'd Known

Hello everyone!

I've always been the type of person who likes to be prepared, so I did my research on childbirth. I read about episiotomies, and I have to admit, it scared me. I knew that doctors perform them to prioritize the mother's and baby's health, especially when it comes to vital organs. But I was still worried about the pain and potential complications.

My sister had a bad experience with an episiotomy during her premature baby's birth. She ended up with a staph infection, and it was a nightmare to deal with. She was in agony from the first day after giving birth, and they had to re-open the wound, clean out the infection, and then treat the abscess. I was shuddering at the thought of what she went through, especially with a newborn baby attached to her chest.

As I was nearing the midpoint of my pregnancy, I came across Weleda's intimate massage oil, which supposedly makes the skin in your perineum more elastic, reducing the risk of tears during childbirth. I started doing the massage as instructed from 32 weeks, but I was silly and didn't read the reviews. It turns out many people have said that the oil can actually have the opposite effect, causing thrush - and that's exactly what happened to me. The thrush didn't show up right away, but closer to term, when there wasn't much time left for treatment. And to make matters worse, thrush can actually make the skin less elastic, not more. I was probably admitted to the observation ward because of it.

So, my first piece of advice is to do perineal massage, but not with oil - and if you do use oil, make sure to wash it off thoroughly. I didn't do that, and I paid the price.

My baby was a decent size according to the ultrasound, although they might not have been that obvious from my belly.

last photo of my belly before heading to the hospitalI was induced and gave birth at 41 weeks according to the medical calendar, but 40 weeks according to the ultrasound. The induction was done with mifepristone, and I had strong contractions just 9 hours after taking it.

contraction frequency after mifepristoneNow I'm thinking that mifepristone might be one of the reasons I needed an episiotomy, since the contractions were so strong and frequent. Maybe my body just wasn't ready for it.

I was on the monitors for almost the entire labor, and I asked for an epidural, but they kept saying it was too early, then too late.

My friend who's had multiple kids told me, 'If they offer an epidural, don't hesitate.' I think it helps you get through the painful contractions so you can save your energy for pushing. That way, you won't have to have a C-section and have the baby pulled out, which is what happened to her – they didn't even do a cut – when she didn't have the strength to push anymore.

Another piece of advice is not to rush into the delivery room. They'll put you on the bed for hours, just like they did with me, even though it's way easier and more natural to walk around on your feet during the early contractions.

C-section deviceDuring the pushing stage, they stimulated my uterus with oxytocin, and I pushed with all my might, but I guess after those exhausting contractions, I didn't have the energy to push the baby out. They made the cut after five pushes (I pushed three times each) without asking for my consent or warning me, and then asked if I was okay with them pulling the baby out. Everything happened so fast that I'm not even sure what happened when.

The cut during the pushes is almost painless, to be honest. I didn't feel any pain from it, and I didn't even notice when my water broke during the contractions – it all happened so fast, and I was in a daze from the pain. So, yeah, the cut is no big deal.

I expected to push the head out first, then the shoulders, and finally the body, but after the cut, the baby just came out whole. The doctors didn't comment or answer my questions, and I couldn't see much behind my stomach, plus I was giving birth at night in the dark, so a lot of things remained a mystery to me. Like why the baby's head was blue after birth – was it because of entanglement or because they were in the birth canal for too long? The discharge note didn't mention it, and the doctor who delivered the baby left afterwards – either on sick leave or vacation – and the nurse wouldn't answer my questions, like when I asked if I had any tears, she just said 'no, not many,' even though there were none, just the cut from the episiotomy.

The baby didn't cry after birth; it just made a weird grunting noise. The weight was around the same as what the ultrasound predicted a couple of days before delivery. Not too small, not too big – a boy, after all.

The worst part was when they stitched me up. Even though I had just experienced the most excruciating pain possible – labor – I still found it hard to tolerate the stitching. I gripped the bed rails so hard and asked them to give me more pain relief. They gave me lidocaine, I think.

The stitching process took at least 30 minutes, then they helped me back onto the bed and gave me oxytocin to help my uterus contract better. They put the baby to my breast when they removed the IV, so we lost our golden hour.

The table where I gave birthI was then moved to the maternity ward and a few hours later, the baby was wheeled in.

I tried to sit up in bed, just like I did after laparoscopy - by grabbing my knee with my hands, but the nurse told me not to do that, and instead, to get up and lie back down by rolling over. Sitting for the next month was only possible on a half-lying position, at best. Standing and walking in the first few days were also tough, and even lying down in certain positions was a challenge. It felt like the stitches were pulled tighter than they needed to be, and the sutures were always tugging.

I remembered from my sister's stories that stitches need to be treated with chlorhexidine, so I asked my husband to bring me some in spray form. In the evening of the first day after giving birth, I showered and sprayed the stitches. Then, the nurse came in and asked me to have the stitches treated, and I told her I had already done it. She said, 'Okay, but make sure to do it again in the morning.'

They treat the stitches on a chair, but try sitting on it and see how you like it - they insert a cotton tampon into the vagina and soak it with chlorhexidine. It feels like they're poking the nozzle of the spray bottle right into the stitches, which is uncomfortable, but that's beside the point. I went to have the stitches treated in the morning and evening, and after being discharged, I continued to treat them at home for another week.

By the way, I even had a cleaning procedure done on the fourth day after giving birth, which involves inserting instruments into the vagina. I wouldn't say it was painful, just a bit uncomfortable, although maybe I was already used to the constant aching and irritation down there.

The hardest part for me was constantly moving the baby around - from the changing table to feeding, from the crib to my bed (I could only feed lying on my side), and when the baby fell asleep, back to the crib. Sleeping with the baby was forbidden, but these constant transfers would wake the baby up, and holding them in my arms was another challenge, especially since they wouldn't settle down. I never thought I'd struggle so much with lifting a 3kg weight.

The most memorable experience for me was the first time I went to the bathroom after giving birth. It wasn't so much painful as it was scary, worrying that the stitches would tear apart. To make matters worse, the muscles in my perineum hadn't fully recovered and felt completely different. I was worried about the incontinence of urine and gas, and the difficulty of passing stool... That fear of it being permanent was terrifying. Luckily, with time, everything healed, but I didn't just sit around - I did and continue to do Kegel exercises.

And yes, sitting down in the first two weeks after episiotomy is not recommended, and it's not exactly possible either. However, on the fourth and fifth day, I was taken to the hospital in a bus, and then I had to hold the baby while they checked their hearing with an apparatus. I sat on the edge of the chair, but the stitches still felt like they were pulling.

The long-awaited discharge happened on the sixth day after giving birth. My doctor didn't even look at me on the examination chair before discharging me. By that point, I was just eager to get out of there, and I wrote about it in my review of the maternity ward.

Holding the little one in place isn't too bad, but carrying him to the car was a real struggle. I was moving like a turtle. And then there was the ride home - a whole different story. I was half-lying on the backseat, and getting in there wasn't easy. No matter how I positioned myself, the stitches were always pulling, like they were about to rip.One thing I learned later, when most of the stitches had healed, is that you can sit comfortably on the inflatable circle, preferably a kid's one. Or, as a last resort, you can roll up a blanket into a doughnut shape and place it on a chair.

I swear, we only buy a baby carrier or don't buy one at all, and sleep with the baby in our bed. I did that most of the time, and I still can't imagine having to lift and carry the baby from a regular crib with high sides all the time.

And don't be afraid to ask for help from family and even neighbors when you need to, say, get the baby down from the stroller to go somewhere or take a walk. Lifting it in the first few weeks is no joke, especially with the stitches. Now, the main thing is to get them to heal.But they took a long time to heal. The sutures were supposed to be self-dissolving, but they didn't dissolve or fall off on their own, and they even got stuck. After a couple of weeks, a smell started to come from them. I was scared it might be an infection or that the inside wasn't cleaned properly, but the doctor reassured me that it's just the suture material. Three weeks after giving birth, I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to see my gynecologist and asked her to remove them. The doctor said they could take up to four months to dissolve, but she didn't refuse, and she removed them. It wasn't too painful to take them out. But that's my doctor - she's a genius and does everything carefully.

When I got home, I realized the doctor had only removed the external stitches, leaving the internal ones intact. I had to go back and ask her to remove the internal ones too. Only then did I feel like myself again, and I was finally able to drive and go for walks without any issues.

But getting back to normal intimacy was a whole different story. A whole year after giving birth, the stitches were still causing problems. And it's no wonder - scar tissue is not elastic, so sex was just painful and nothing but pain and fear, even with all the help you can get, if you know what I mean.I'll be honest, the initial pain and discomfort were pretty intense, even just sitting on the floor or getting up from a squat during charging. It took my husband and me a year and three months to get back to, ahem, normal life. The fear of pain and failure was finally gone, and I was grateful to have a supportive partner who never pressured me. Not everyone's as lucky as I was, though. Some people might not be so patient. That's a shame, because it's a tough road to recovery. I'm just glad I can share my experience with you all, so you can be more prepared if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

Ayrek asked me to rate the episiotomy procedure and whether I'd recommend it to my friends. Honestly, I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I think it's worth discussing. It's always better to be prepared and talk to your doctor beforehand, but I didn't have that luxury. I gave birth on a weekend, and the doctor who delivered me was new, so we didn't have much time to discuss the details.

And, just to clarify, my vagina wasn't cleaned before the delivery, unlike some other procedures, like the post-delivery cleaning. That means there's a risk of infection, especially if you have any open wounds or cuts during delivery. So, it's a good idea to get a culture test before giving birth and treat any infections you might have. It's better to be safe than sorry!

That's all from me for now. I wish all expectant mothers a smooth delivery and a happy postpartum period. And to those who might have had to go through an episiotomy, don't worry – your recovery might be faster than mine was. Most women take less than a year to recover.

Take care, and stay strong! See you later!